Who deserves to be a mommy?

Another baby gone. Thankfully I did not know I was pregnant this time.

So I have a question? Who deserves to be a mommy? I love my Godson without hesitation and without pretense. I love my beautiful niece beyond explanation and reason. Yet, I cannot hold onto a pregnancy to save my life.

I have had contractions with no baby to hold afterwards. I have seen my husband cry in pain, but still no child to call his own. My breasts are so damned big they are ridiculous- amazing how every part of my body shrinks back unless it is my face, boobs and belly.

Why not me? Why not my best, wonderful and loving friend.. who can't get pregnant. Why these people who don't even seem to like their kids?????

I am great at my job. I have a husband that is ridicously perfect. My friends and family.. while extended and disfunctional-- are amazing. Why can I not do the one thing women were put on this earth to do?

So I play mommy with my dog and all the wonderful people I am blessed to know. Yet, my body longs for a baby to love. A baby to cuddle and protect.

So once again... I am trying to figure it all out. But, I leave with one question. If I am strong enough to have a miscarriage through a meeting and still keep presenting... Aren't I strong enough to actually have a baby?????