I am in rant mode again. I am really sick of the women who think they should be canonized because they have children. This in NO WAY is a bad reflection on all the wonderful mommies that I know. Rather, a rant against the women who think by rite of a birth or five that they are somehow better than the single women, partnered women and married women who do not have, cannot have or simply choose not to have children.
There are many women like me out there. I am married for the second time, work mad,long hours and yet still find time to take care of my home, my husband and my wonder mutt. I cook from scratch. I enjoy long workouts. I volunteer and pay my taxes. Yet, somehow these "madonnas" feel that I live in some sort of extended adolescence because I do not, as of yet, have a child.
Well, I also have not been dependent on a man since my father. I have owned three (soon to be four) homes which came from little else than my hard work and savings. I have gone on vacations, done home repairs, paid for a second wedding (and honeymoon), and bought the clothes on my own back ALL ON MY OWN. But my life is somehow easier because "I don't have children."
I do not contend that children are easy and I do know from those loving mommies around me that it is indeed a job, but before the mommy mafia comes after me- it also a great privilege, but to hear some women speak, and in many cases the same women who's husbands pay for their mortgage and car, they are a step behind Mother Teresa because of how hard it is to have children.
It is funny to me because I have seen a single mother (God Bless you all) work her hands to the bone and raise a wonderful child with a silent determination that shows me I am not half the woman that she is. I saw a divorced mother slowly introduce her
children to the new man in her life and marveled at her integrity and deep concern she had for her children's well being. I have seen my cousin everyday work hours much like mine yet still have so much energy and love for her son, but have little to no time for herself. I saw a childhood friend balance work and family around her son's battle with cancer. Which, in my opinion, catapults her from a wonderful mother to hero status. Yet, none of these women or any of my beautiful mommy friends have ever demeaned me or looked down upon me as being anything less than them because of my childless status.
Yes, many of the women previously mentioned do realize that this is not my choice, but they are so busy being good mothers that I do not think that makes a difference. They do not view motherhood as an entrance into a secret sorority, rather they look at is as a blessing.
And what if it is a choice? What if some women do not see themselves as maternal or lead lives/ have careers that are not conducive to having children. Should they not be applauded for living independent lives? I mean lets face it we all know women (not to mention seen women on the news) who SHOULD NOT have ever had a child. Are they somehow better than the childless women in this world? I have been a strong single woman and continue to be a strong married woman who would rather live on crackers than ask my husband to loan me twenty dollars. Does this make me weak?
So the next time these "type" of mothers sit themselves down in their husband's chair
in their husband's home and feel the need to vent to another of their own pod
about how women like me have the life-- I ask instead that they have a moment of mercy and send their cleaning lady my way - my chapped, tired and very independent hands could use a break!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Just a dog...
From the moment her big sad eyes met mine - I could think of nothing else, but taking her home with me. She was a medium sized mutt. She had matted hair. I could feel her ribs when I pet her, but somehow I knew she belonged to me and I belonged to her.
But she is just a dog...
I suffered through her running away from home the first night (her emancipated frame fit right through my ornate fence); She destroyed three luxorious comforters; she managed to eat just one of each pair of my expensive shoes.
But she is just a dog....
She shrunk from my touch. She would not eat until I left the room. She growled and twitched and cried in her sleep.
But she is just a dog....
She let me pet her. She waited for me to come home. She dealt with foster dogs and permanent dogs. She kissed my face in the morning.
But she is just a dog.
She left my home with me. She forced me to function. She taught me to love outside myself.
But she is just a dog.
I switched jobs and homes. I fell in and out of love (like). I cried myself to sleep and she laid with me.
But she is just a dog.
I fell in love for keeps. She fell in love too (well accepted it). She comforted me through fears of rejection.
But she is just a dog.
Her walk became forced. Her skin began to flake. Her breathing became labored.
But she is just a dog.
I lost a loved one. I lost a baby. I cried with my husband with her head on my lap.
But she is just a dog.
I lay down and rest my busy head and she lays next to me. She grunts and she sighs. She feels my pain as I feel hers.
She isn't just a dog. She is my heart, my teacher, my child and my love.
But you say she is just a dog.
But she is just a dog...
I suffered through her running away from home the first night (her emancipated frame fit right through my ornate fence); She destroyed three luxorious comforters; she managed to eat just one of each pair of my expensive shoes.
But she is just a dog....
She shrunk from my touch. She would not eat until I left the room. She growled and twitched and cried in her sleep.
But she is just a dog....
She let me pet her. She waited for me to come home. She dealt with foster dogs and permanent dogs. She kissed my face in the morning.
But she is just a dog.
She left my home with me. She forced me to function. She taught me to love outside myself.
But she is just a dog.
I switched jobs and homes. I fell in and out of love (like). I cried myself to sleep and she laid with me.
But she is just a dog.
I fell in love for keeps. She fell in love too (well accepted it). She comforted me through fears of rejection.
But she is just a dog.
Her walk became forced. Her skin began to flake. Her breathing became labored.
But she is just a dog.
I lost a loved one. I lost a baby. I cried with my husband with her head on my lap.
But she is just a dog.
I lay down and rest my busy head and she lays next to me. She grunts and she sighs. She feels my pain as I feel hers.
She isn't just a dog. She is my heart, my teacher, my child and my love.
But you say she is just a dog.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Not political- just pissed
I woke up this morning and realized that I no longer have faith in our president or our country’s leaders.
They have simply taken a shortcut one too many times.
When the automobile industry was in trouble- they gave people money for useless cars. When the real estate market was in trouble, they gave first time buyers a huge tax credit. When the banks were in trouble- they bailed them out and allowed them to send their executives on vacation. Sorry I couldn’t resist that last one.
None of our problems are solved. In fact we are looking at a double dip recession. Just take a look at the real estate market which seemed to have bounced back in 2010 is now seeing a 12% dip in the purchase of new homes. In fact, the real estate market never recovered. It simply showed an increase in the spring due to the first time buyer tax credit. These were not “real” numbers and those of us with homes to sell (ME!) are feeling the pain of a country pulverized by economic uncertainty.
I have always been a “rally around the president” type of girl. I love this country. I love it down to the freedom and pride that our flag represents. I love being able to sprout complaints about the good ole U.S. without the fear of being shot. Yet, this time I cannot seem to muster the patriotism needed to back Obama.
To me, Obama has acted like a kid in college who uses cliff notes and encouraged us to do the same. Yes it solves an immediate problem and we may even pass the test. But what have we learned? Even more important – how have we prepared ourselves for the future final?
I fear that this country’s economic reforms may have added to the dissolution of the middle class. The rich will remain rich and the middle class will see their paychecks lower and lower as we provide healthcare and other financial gains to those less fortunate. The heart of America- the blue collar worker, the suburban family, and the stay at home mom- are in danger of moving closer and closer to the poverty line. It is creating a bold line between the poor and the rich with no hopeful area in between. Think it cannot happen? Obama’s administration is leading with an attitude drenched in socialism. Look at the fall of the USSR and its effect on modern day Russia. How well did socialism work for them? EVEN if this leadership only goes as far as to create a two class society- think of England and how if you are born of a certain class you most likely will never escape it. America was founded on free enterprise and the right for each man (or woman) to create his (her) own destiny. I feel these opportunities slipping through my fingers as I become bogged down in an economy that beats down the hardest on the middle class.
My father used to go on tirades about the disappearing middle class and I would roll my eyes. See I never saw it happen as quickly as I have these past two years. Now I think my dad is a genius who saw something in the not too distant future that none of us could have predicted.
I understand economies are cyclical and no one can really control economic growth or recession. Yet, I cannot excuse the frat boy attitude of throwing money at a problem in hopes that it will go away. What did Cash for Clunkers, First Time Buyers Rebate and the Bank Bailout really do to help this country? They simply boasted temporary alliances with Wall Street and the American consumer. Do you know what I expect from my country’s leadership? Hold banks responsible for irresponsible lending and investing. Address healthcare corporations and their escalating costs. Encourage the automobile industry to build safer, cheaper cars so Americans will renew their loyalty to the American brand. Limit free trade to the point that it does not cripple the U.S. Service industries as we continue to outsource more and more jobs to foreign countries. THAT IS WHAT I EXPECT FROM MY COUNTRY!
Really, have we become so politically correct that we have forgotten how to feel outrage?
In closing, I voted for Obama. I saw his radical thinking and charisma as the answer for my generation’s prayer of a JFK (I have long given up on a new “Ronald Reagan” because political differences aside- I think we can all admit that Ronny rocked the Casbah.) His administration excited me. He in himself gave me a reason to think this man may really care and make a difference. The Sarah Palin came along as a possible vice president and that pretty much launched me to the Democratic Party. When you would rather see Tina Fey run for Vice President then the woman she is mimicking there is a problem. Do I have buyer’s remorse? Yes I do. But in all honesty would any administration make any difference?
I could go on and talk about the war in Iraq or the dedication of a Mosque on September 11th, but I fear I would die on the spot of a heart attack. I said to a close friend that if we do not evolve we will become extinct. I still believe that. So where is that leader who will take us there? Help ALL CLASSES evolve while rebuilding this country on the success stories that make the United States unique. To steal a line from the movie the American President, “People want leadership, Mr. President, and in the absence of genuine leadership, they'll listen to anyone who steps up to the microphone. They want leadership. They're so thirsty for it they'll crawl through the desert toward a mirage, and when they discover there's no water, they'll drink the sand.”
Mr. President please LEAD no matter how hard or tough the direction. If you would rather take the shortcut then please step aside.
They have simply taken a shortcut one too many times.
When the automobile industry was in trouble- they gave people money for useless cars. When the real estate market was in trouble, they gave first time buyers a huge tax credit. When the banks were in trouble- they bailed them out and allowed them to send their executives on vacation. Sorry I couldn’t resist that last one.
None of our problems are solved. In fact we are looking at a double dip recession. Just take a look at the real estate market which seemed to have bounced back in 2010 is now seeing a 12% dip in the purchase of new homes. In fact, the real estate market never recovered. It simply showed an increase in the spring due to the first time buyer tax credit. These were not “real” numbers and those of us with homes to sell (ME!) are feeling the pain of a country pulverized by economic uncertainty.
I have always been a “rally around the president” type of girl. I love this country. I love it down to the freedom and pride that our flag represents. I love being able to sprout complaints about the good ole U.S. without the fear of being shot. Yet, this time I cannot seem to muster the patriotism needed to back Obama.
To me, Obama has acted like a kid in college who uses cliff notes and encouraged us to do the same. Yes it solves an immediate problem and we may even pass the test. But what have we learned? Even more important – how have we prepared ourselves for the future final?
I fear that this country’s economic reforms may have added to the dissolution of the middle class. The rich will remain rich and the middle class will see their paychecks lower and lower as we provide healthcare and other financial gains to those less fortunate. The heart of America- the blue collar worker, the suburban family, and the stay at home mom- are in danger of moving closer and closer to the poverty line. It is creating a bold line between the poor and the rich with no hopeful area in between. Think it cannot happen? Obama’s administration is leading with an attitude drenched in socialism. Look at the fall of the USSR and its effect on modern day Russia. How well did socialism work for them? EVEN if this leadership only goes as far as to create a two class society- think of England and how if you are born of a certain class you most likely will never escape it. America was founded on free enterprise and the right for each man (or woman) to create his (her) own destiny. I feel these opportunities slipping through my fingers as I become bogged down in an economy that beats down the hardest on the middle class.
My father used to go on tirades about the disappearing middle class and I would roll my eyes. See I never saw it happen as quickly as I have these past two years. Now I think my dad is a genius who saw something in the not too distant future that none of us could have predicted.
I understand economies are cyclical and no one can really control economic growth or recession. Yet, I cannot excuse the frat boy attitude of throwing money at a problem in hopes that it will go away. What did Cash for Clunkers, First Time Buyers Rebate and the Bank Bailout really do to help this country? They simply boasted temporary alliances with Wall Street and the American consumer. Do you know what I expect from my country’s leadership? Hold banks responsible for irresponsible lending and investing. Address healthcare corporations and their escalating costs. Encourage the automobile industry to build safer, cheaper cars so Americans will renew their loyalty to the American brand. Limit free trade to the point that it does not cripple the U.S. Service industries as we continue to outsource more and more jobs to foreign countries. THAT IS WHAT I EXPECT FROM MY COUNTRY!
Really, have we become so politically correct that we have forgotten how to feel outrage?
In closing, I voted for Obama. I saw his radical thinking and charisma as the answer for my generation’s prayer of a JFK (I have long given up on a new “Ronald Reagan” because political differences aside- I think we can all admit that Ronny rocked the Casbah.) His administration excited me. He in himself gave me a reason to think this man may really care and make a difference. The Sarah Palin came along as a possible vice president and that pretty much launched me to the Democratic Party. When you would rather see Tina Fey run for Vice President then the woman she is mimicking there is a problem. Do I have buyer’s remorse? Yes I do. But in all honesty would any administration make any difference?
I could go on and talk about the war in Iraq or the dedication of a Mosque on September 11th, but I fear I would die on the spot of a heart attack. I said to a close friend that if we do not evolve we will become extinct. I still believe that. So where is that leader who will take us there? Help ALL CLASSES evolve while rebuilding this country on the success stories that make the United States unique. To steal a line from the movie the American President, “People want leadership, Mr. President, and in the absence of genuine leadership, they'll listen to anyone who steps up to the microphone. They want leadership. They're so thirsty for it they'll crawl through the desert toward a mirage, and when they discover there's no water, they'll drink the sand.”
Mr. President please LEAD no matter how hard or tough the direction. If you would rather take the shortcut then please step aside.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
The Baby
There are sometimes when a woman loses a pregnancy and there are others when they lose a baby.
I have lost two pregnancies in the past, but just recently I felt the pain of really losing a baby. I love my husband so hard that sometimes it hurts to look at him. I want to crawl inside him just to feel his touch more. He is the man I am destined to be with. He is the man I want to grow a family with.
More than my love for him, it hurts to look at children now. I see children at Target or children at the gym or even children laughing in a car passing by me. Even more so, than seeing strange children it hurts to see those babies I know. Those I have let in my heart. It makes me double over me over to see my family and my friends and their gorgeous children whom I love so.
I was ready for a baby. Greg was ready for a baby. But, God in His infinite wisdom was not ready to give us our baby. I don’t understand why and perhaps I will never understand. I just trust in my faith and in my love for this wonderful man who came into my life.
I have faith and hope and love. Yet, I still do not have the baby I ache for. The baby I bonded with in the minutes I knew I was pregnant. A baby that still makes me mourn – months later. A baby that makes me feels pain even in my fingernails. That is losing a baby. It is losing not just a life, but a dream of what is to come.
I will blog again soon, but right now I just need to cry... Thank you for hanging in there with me.
Nobody
I have lost two pregnancies in the past, but just recently I felt the pain of really losing a baby. I love my husband so hard that sometimes it hurts to look at him. I want to crawl inside him just to feel his touch more. He is the man I am destined to be with. He is the man I want to grow a family with.
More than my love for him, it hurts to look at children now. I see children at Target or children at the gym or even children laughing in a car passing by me. Even more so, than seeing strange children it hurts to see those babies I know. Those I have let in my heart. It makes me double over me over to see my family and my friends and their gorgeous children whom I love so.
I was ready for a baby. Greg was ready for a baby. But, God in His infinite wisdom was not ready to give us our baby. I don’t understand why and perhaps I will never understand. I just trust in my faith and in my love for this wonderful man who came into my life.
I have faith and hope and love. Yet, I still do not have the baby I ache for. The baby I bonded with in the minutes I knew I was pregnant. A baby that still makes me mourn – months later. A baby that makes me feels pain even in my fingernails. That is losing a baby. It is losing not just a life, but a dream of what is to come.
I will blog again soon, but right now I just need to cry... Thank you for hanging in there with me.
Nobody
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