The Baby

There are sometimes when a woman loses a pregnancy and there are others when they lose a baby.

I have lost two pregnancies in the past, but just recently I felt the pain of really losing a baby. I love my husband so hard that sometimes it hurts to look at him. I want to crawl inside him just to feel his touch more. He is the man I am destined to be with. He is the man I want to grow a family with.

More than my love for him, it hurts to look at children now. I see children at Target or children at the gym or even children laughing in a car passing by me. Even more so, than seeing strange children it hurts to see those babies I know. Those I have let in my heart. It makes me double over me over to see my family and my friends and their gorgeous children whom I love so.

I was ready for a baby. Greg was ready for a baby. But, God in His infinite wisdom was not ready to give us our baby. I don’t understand why and perhaps I will never understand. I just trust in my faith and in my love for this wonderful man who came into my life.

I have faith and hope and love. Yet, I still do not have the baby I ache for. The baby I bonded with in the minutes I knew I was pregnant. A baby that still makes me mourn – months later. A baby that makes me feels pain even in my fingernails. That is losing a baby. It is losing not just a life, but a dream of what is to come.

I will blog again soon, but right now I just need to cry... Thank you for hanging in there with me.

Nobody